A restraining order places restrictions on their interactions with you. If they violate the restraining order, they could be arrested. Many states have a legal distinction between civil harassment and domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is between close family members and people currently or formerly in a romantic relationship. Civil harassment is between 2 people who are not and have never been close family members or romantically involved. However, the illegal behavior is the same – assault, abuse, threats, stalking, and other physically and emotionally harmful behaviors. [2] X Research source Abuse can be physical or emotional. Hitting, shouting, and insults are examples of abuse. Broadly defined, it is harm done to you. Threats of abuse can be just as harmful emotionally. They can be expressed or simply implied. Pestering may just be repeated calls or emails to you. If your ex is simply calling you often to find out what you are thinking about them, it may not constitute harassment yet.
Who, what, when, where, and why – these are basic details any authority figure will ask about up front. How often is it happening? Are you alone when they harass you? Have you told them that their advances are unwelcome? Is there hard evidence of their harassment? It may not be necessary to have criminal charges brought against them without physical evidence of harassment, but it would make it an open-and-shut case. [3] X Research source
Set limits on how often (or if) they can contact you, and on what terms. [4] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 December 2020. For example, try telling them, “I know you only want to spend more time with me, but I your repeated calls make me uncomfortable. I want you to stop calling me for at least 2 weeks. I’ll get in touch with you if I need you. " Putting a time frame on it may make it an easier pill for them to swallow. After 2 weeks, or however long you see fit, they may not be as obsessed with you any more.
For example, an ex may try to bring you lunch at work. It is unwanted behavior, but they are only bringing you food. Remove yourself and your relationship from the story, and see their behavior in its most basic form.
For example, imagine your last face-to-face. Did they raise their voice or act physically imposing, or imply future abuse? Did they use unfriendly language? If not, they may not be interested in taking their attempt to win you back any farther than asking you what they did wrong.
Block their phone number and all of their social media accounts, as well. [6] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 December 2020. Take note if your ex intensifies their attempts see you after you break off contact. This irrational behavior may be a sign of criminal harassment or even psychosis. If they become more desperate or abusive, contact the police immediately.
If you don’t have family and friends who support you, focus on loving yourself. [9] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 December 2020.
If they won’t stop texting you, try a quick message like, " I don’t want to date you. Please stop sending these texts. " Don’t worry about being polite—if someone is harassing, intimidating, or abusing you, you don’t owe them that![10] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 December 2020.
For a step-by-step guide to creating an email filter, see this.
Acting stressed or hysterical may make your ex feel like they need to ‘help’ you. By having calm, public interactions with them, they may see your happiness and not want to disturb it. After all, if they truly cared for you, they would want you to prosper even if it meant leaving you alone.
