You may try to take a few deep, calming breaths when your friend and your significant other are fighting. You may also leave the room for a moment to calm down and then re-enter the room when you feel more relaxed and ready to address the conflict.
By approaching both your friend and your partner separately, they would be more inclined to share with you in private, than when they are confronted together. When you talk to them, you may note that the fights between your friend and your partner are starting to really bother you and you are finding it difficult to handle the arguments. You may ask your friend and your partner to agree to work through their issues so that you can all hang out together without conflict. For example, you may say, “I am feeling uncomfortable around both of you and it makes me stressed out when you both fight with each other. Can we sit down and work this out so we can all hang out together in peace?” It’s better to make a plan which allows all parties to have a complete discussion. For instance, avoid this conversation if one of the involved people is in a rush. [3] X Research source
For example, you may all agree to not interrupt each other when you are speaking to each other. You may make a rule to avoid name calling or swearing during the discussion, as this may make it harder to understand the complaints or the overall discussion. [5] X Research source You may also agree to having time outs if the discussion gets heated or out of hand. You may decide to act as the mediator in the discussion, where you help your friend and your partner communicate with each other. As the mediator, you should be given the right to enforce the ground rules so the discussion stays civil. For example, you may say, “As the mediator, I will enforce the ground rules of the discussion so it stays civil and productive. " Both parties have to be in a space where they’re not overwhelmed, and they need to have the willingness to take turns and hear each other’s perspectives. If that is not established, nothing else can occur. Unfortunately, there probably won’t be a resolution.
For example, the issue could be caused by your friend feeling like you two don’t spend enough time together. On the other hand, your significant other might not like having your friend as a third wheel. They may not feel comfortable revealing the truth to each other, but they will likely tell you.
Each person should have a turn to express how they are feeling and why they believe they do not get along with the other. Make sure everyone else listens patiently while one person speaks so everyone has a chance to talk and be heard.
For example, your friend may say, “I do not like how your partner treats you. I think they are disrespectful towards you and have a poor attitude. ” Your partner may say, “I have difficulty with how protective your friend is around you. I feel like they are always trying to sabotage our relationship and I am uncomfortable with this. ” Make sure that you take part in the discussion as well, using “I” statements for how you feel about the situation.
For example, you may tell your friend, “I appreciate your concern about my relationship. But I need you to respect my decision to be with them and try to be civil with them, as my friend. ” You may tell your partner, “I understand why you may feel uncomfortable. But I need you to be supportive of my friendship and accept that my friend is in my life. ” Remember that sometimes the best solution is not asking the two of them to spend time together. It’s okay if they don’t want to be friends with each other. You can still maintain your relationship with each of them.
For example, your friend may agree to try to be more accepting and supportive of your romantic relationship moving forward. Your partner may agree to work on being okay with your relationship with your friend and getting along with your friend.
For example, if your partner gets irritated by something your friend does, you may encourage your partner to talk to your friend about the issue and work it out with them. You may advise your friend to do the same if they find something your partner does annoying or frustrating. You may say, “Maybe you should talk to them about how you feel. It’s better than getting annoyed or upset at them in silence. "
For example, you may make a joke if your partner starts to argue with your friend over who pays the bill for a meal. You may say, “Why don’t we settle this with a game of rock, paper, scissors? Or flip a coin?”
You may also be conscious of hanging out separately with your friend and your partner when you are in a group setting. You may draw your friend away from the group for a quick chat and then join the group and hang out with your partner.
