That means adjust the temperature, go to the bathroom, and, for your sake, wear comfortable pants. If you feel something in your teeth or are constantly fighting an uphill battle against a wedgie, you won’t be exuding presence. Do whatever you can to un-preoccupy your mind.
People who aren’t comfortable with themselves are always caught up in some image-maintaining. They feel like they have to be seen wearing the right things, saying the right things, doing the right things, and all in the right places with the right people. They have no view of themselves because the only thing that matters to them is the opinions of others. These people don’t have presence – presence isn’t something anyone else can give you!
Think of this impression management as a layer of dust over whatever it is that makes up you. Instead of seeing who you are, people see this dust. The dust isn’t bad, the dust isn’t good, it’s just dust. It’s easily wiped away. And while it doesn’t turn other people off, it hides what makes you memorable. It hides what makes you awesome.
So here’s a little science being dropped: so much of how people think and feel about you is really how you make them feel about themselves. If you pay attention to them, they’re going to feel important, and they’re going to like you and think you’re a great listener. Flirt with someone and they like you because you make them feel attractive. So when you put your phone down, you’re showing them you’re there. With them and only them. That you care and that they matter. Boom. You’re present. And what’s a word that sounds ridiculously like present? Hmm.
No, you’re right, presence is not a show. It’s not something you lose when you’re harried and rushed. But if you’re nervous, if you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off, people can see that. You might still be super confident and have your act together, but you’ll appear too frazzled for that intangible aura of leadership to come through.
Feel free to spread out your legs. People who are more confident are more comfortable taking up a bit more room. Put your arms on the table. Lean forward a bit, into the person who’s talking to show you’re engaged. Nod when it’s clear they’re trying to get a not-so-crystal point across. Look them in the eye. Be there in mind, spirit, and body.
Walk back and forth across the room with your head held a bit above 90 degrees and your shoulders back. Walk at a moderate pace. How’s it feel? Now walk back and forth across the room with your head down and your shoulders hunched over a bit. Walk slowly. At the end of your walk, hold that position. How do things feel different?
It’s not about wearing brand names. It’s not about suits and dresses. It’s mostly about being put together and well-groomed. If you’ve showered, shaved, put on some deodorant, and dressed in decent clothes with the light on, you should be okay.
Connect to the moment. [4] X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications Coach Expert Interview. 6 March 2019. Think of it as your moment. If you’re on stage, the stage is yours, this moment is yours, and this character is you. There’s nothing to worry about. You’re there in mind, body, and spirit. There’s no panel of judges, there’s no fight with your boyfriend, there’s no football game on TV, there’s just now where you are.
This goes double if your presence is onstage or in front of a camera. Any nervousness, any agitation will be seen or captured. You’ve probably seen an actor who couldn’t seem to commit to an action or behavior because they were too busy overthinking it, worrying what was correct. When you start sweating, you’ve already lost confidence in you, and others will shortly follow suit.
If your boss were to say, “You know, I was thinking that perhaps we should go in a different direction. I know it’ll be a huge inconvenience and I’m so sorry, but I really think this is a good idea, don’t you?”, how would you interpret that? Now if they were to say, “Guys. Listen up. We gotta go in a different direction. It’s gonna be work, but it’ll be worth it. Whaddaya say?” How would you interpret that? Bingo.
Let’s take that same example: “Guys. Listen up. We gotta go in a different direction. It’s gonna be work, but it’ll be worth it. Whaddaya say?” Good! That’s good stuff. Now imagine it like this, “Uhh, hey, guys. Listen up. We, like gotta go in a different, um, direction. Yeah. Uhh, it’s gonna be, you know, work and stuff, but it’ll be worth it. " That’s a big fat no. Don’t hem and haw! You’re confident in your point, so spit it out!
Be sure not to judge your observations. Allow yourself to be in the state you are in. Also know that your state is flexible and can change.
Continue until your entire face and neck are relaxed. You should feel your sinuses open up and your circulation become better (your may feel more warmth or tingling in your skin). Your expression may feel very different. Do not judge yourself, just notice what you notice.
If at any time that you are studying your new body, you feel tensions creeping back, take another deep breath and release this tension.
While you are talking to your friend or family member, allow yourself to be expressive with your face as well as your body, but don’t get stuck in an expression. Always attempt to return to a natural, relaxed position.
It is likely that tensions will return. Just be sure not to judge yourself. This is a process and is different for each person. Notice the tension and allow yourself to release it.
In all situations, it is important to maintain your presence. If you have anxiety or fear, acknowledge it and allow yourself to move through it. Turn your focus to your breath and breathe out any tension.
