Give yourself a compliment every day, such as by looking in the mirror and finding something positive about your appearance. For example, you might say to yourself, “My hair looks so shiny and beautiful today!” Show self-compassion to yourself such as by writing an understanding letter to yourself from the perspective of a friend. In the letter, say encouraging things to yourself like a good friend might do. For example, you might say something like, “I know how hard this experience has been for you, but I am so proud of you for working towards healing! You have so much strength and it amazes me every day!”
Regret keeps your focus in the past. Keep yourself in the present and work toward a positive future. Create a mantra or positive phrase that reminds you to let go of regret. Say, “Sometimes I make mistakes. I am still capable, smart, loving and lovable. ”
If the abuser shamed you by saying “You’re nothing, nobody likes you, you’ll never survive in the world,” stop believing those lies as soon as possible. You are just as deserving as those around you. Try rewriting the things that your abuser told you into positive messages, such as, “You are kind, intelligent, and sensitive. Your friends and family love you and deserve to be happy. ”
Recognize that the person is responsible for his or her own behavior, and you are not responsible for the person’s words and behaviors.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting the abuse as okay or pretending that it didn’t happen. It doesn’t mean you let the person “off the hook” or that you’ll immediately stop being angry or hurt. It means letting go of the negative feelings you have for your own personal freedom. [6] X Research source
Delete this person’s phone number, remove any social media contacts, and avoid any contact with this person. You may also need to change your locks, get an unlisted phone number, or even file a restraining order if threats or harassment continues.
Recognize that each human has the right to be treated with respect, have their opinions heard, to change their mind, to be listened to and to be treated with respect at all times.
While decisions can be scary at first, start with small decisions and build your self-confidence. Try asking yourself something simple, such as, “What do I want for dessert tonight? Cherry ice cream or chocolate?” As you gain confidence making simple decisions, you may start to feel more confident about making more difficult decisions. Try to develop a system for making difficult decisions, such as identifying the problem and using a pros and cons list to weigh your options.
To start, you may go to a candle shop and find which scents you enjoy. You can also cook or buy foods that you enjoy on your own, even if other people don’t enjoy them.
Write in a journal. Ask yourself, “What positive traits, qualities, and characteristics do I like about myself?” Are you kind, generous, helpful, or good with people? Do you take good care of your pets, children, or family members? What things do you appreciate about yourself? Think about what you are good at as a way to boost self-confidence. Are you a good cook, athlete, artisan or crafter? Think about what you excel at. [12] X Research source
Sometimes the abuser may purposefully isolate you from your friends and family and you may feel like you have no one to turn to for help. Reach out to these people and ask for their support. You may be surprised by their response.
You may want to work with a trauma specialist or someone who specializes in abuse. Finding affordable care can be a challenge sometimes. Try calling your insurance company (the number should be on back of your card) to find out about your mental health benefits and providers in your area. You can also check with your employer to find out what is offered by your employee assistance program (EAP). Another option is to check area women’s shelters because they usually provide free counseling or resources/referrals to affordable mental health care. If there are any colleges in your area, then you can call and ask if they have any M. A. or PhD psychology or counseling students who offer free counseling. If none of these options work, then you may also try contacting local places of worship because some clergy are trained to provide counseling. If you need immediate help, then call emergency services or visit an emergency room. You may be admitted to the hospital for an inpatient evaluation.
Most group therapy is led by a trained psychologist or therapist and will help you work through emotions and negative thoughts, while also helping you learn coping strategies. [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
A support group is often community run. While there is often no professional support or guidance within the group, gathering with other survivors of emotional abuse can be beneficial.
