Turn to creditable resources for terminal illnesses like the American Cancer Society or other national organizations relating to their specific condition. [1] X Trustworthy Source American Cancer Society Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support Go to source You’ll be better able to help your friend when you know what their remaining time may be like.
It’s okay to tell your friend that you’re feeling sad or stressed, but be careful not to make your emotions a burden for them. Be gentle with yourself as your feelings come up.
If your friend is reluctant to tell others, try convincing them gently. Say something like, “Anne, I think it is best we let everybody know. It is up to you to decide, though. ” Do not tell anyone else until you’ve asked your friend how they want to handle the situation.
Research a reputable organization relating to your friend’s condition to find support groups in your area and online.
If your friend is well enough, keep interacting with them like you normally would. Look for ways to have fun together. Invite them over for small things, like dinner, studying, or board games.
For instance, if your friend is working hard to maintain a cheerful attitude, try to act upbeat around them. Try asking them if they want to talk about what they’re going through. If they don’t want to talk about it, change the subject to what you can do to support them. [6] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020. Keep in mind that your friend might not have come to terms with their own mortality yet. If this is the case, be there for them, but also realize that they may need some additional support.
When you talk about death, do so in terms your friend is comfortable with. For example, your friend may prefer to talk about “leaving” or “going on a journey. ” Keep in mind that many people are uncomfortable discussing death. If this is the case for you, then you might want to talk over your concerns with someone you trust first.
For instance, don’t say, “Everything happens for a reason,” or, “I’m sure you’ll feel fine after you start the new medicine. ” If you don’t know what to say, focus on listening instead. Ask your friend if they want to talk about how they’re feeling. Avoid saying anything like, “I know how you feel. ” This can come across as unsupportive and make your friend feel worse.
For example, your friend might say “I know you’ll be relieved when I finally croak so you can move on with your life. " Simply reassure them with something like “I wish I wasn’t losing you at all, but I’m glad about any remaining time we have together. "
When you depart from your friend after a visit, be aware that you may not see them again. Say goodbye in a way you won’t regret in case it’s for the last time.
You could offer to accompany your friend to doctor’s appointments, help them make a list of questions to ask their doctor, or search for books and articles about their illness.
Ask your friend what you can do to help, but also offer some specific suggestions in case they don’t have anything in mind. That might include something as simple as sitting with them, listening to music together, reading to them, or praying with them. [12] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
For instance, you might offer to help your friend’s spouse or parent with household duties or errands so that they have less responsibilities.
For instance, if your friend wants to preserve some stories from their childhood but doesn’t have the energy to write, you could take dictation for them.
