Having a one on one conversation will also prevent other people from entering the conversation and firing accusations or opinions at your friend. Sitting down with a group of people and your friend can feel like an aggressive environment or an attack on them, rather than a supportive conversation.
For example, you may discuss when you and your friend went to a casual get together at a friend’s house last week. Using “I” statements, you may say: “I noticed that you ate a huge amount of food very quickly and then excused yourself from the table. From the bathroom, your other friends and I could hear you throwing up your food. This instance made me very concerned about you and your health. I am worried about you and want you to know how much I care about your well-being”.
For example, you may bring up the fact that is it difficult to go to restaurants with your friend, as they either do not eat anything or binge eat. You may say, “It’s difficult for me to go to restaurants with you because I will order a meal and you will not eat anything the entire night. ”
Though it may be tempting to tell your friend, “If you would just eat, you would be fine!” or “Wow, I can’t believe you think you are fat”, it’s important to you try not to shame or bully your friend into eating. Remember that their disorder is a daily struggle and not a lighthearted issue. Your friend may also be suffering from body dysmorphia, a common disorder tied to eating disorders where they cannot see their actual size, so they may feel heavier than they actually are. These elements can all create a skewed perception of their weight, and these perceptions are not just going to go away if you tell them to “just eat”.
Rather than tell your friend they are “not fat” or “do not have an eating disorder”, you can ask them to consider why they have a fear of being fat and what they think they can achieve by becoming thin. This will give them a chance to express their feelings and thoughts around their eating disorder, rather than feel shameful or embarrassed about it.
Once they have finished speaking, you should try to reflect their words back to them using your own words. Start by saying, “What I am hearing you say is…” or “I think what you meant was…”. For example, you may respond with, “What I am hearing you say is that your eating disorder is a way for you to feel in control. ” Allow your friend to agree with your response and confirm that you listened to them properly. Once they confirm you have listened properly to what they have to say, you can offer advice or support.
You can also end the conversation by gently suggesting that your friend get professional help for their disorder. Eating disorders will only get worse if they are not treated, so suggesting treatment is a useful way to try to help your friend deal with their eating disorder.
Getting your friend’s family involved should only be done if your friend’s health is seriously declining due to their disorder and they refuse to seek treatment. A more rigorous treatment plan, with a stay in a hospital or a rehab center may be required if their eating disorder becomes life threatening or very severe.
You may want to include a list of support groups and professional therapists that anyone involved in the support plan can call if your friend begins to get worse.
Therapy can also be done in a group setting, where your friend can improve their self-esteem, understand their emotional triggers, and learn to respond to stress and emotional pain in healthy ways around others who are dealing with the same issues.
Support groups are often run by peers, rather than professionals, making them less intimidating. It can also be encouraging to learn about coping mechanisms and ways to view food in a healthy way from individuals who are struggling with the same issues.
