How To Help A Friend With A Broken Heart

Let them know it’s okay to cry. Tears can help them heal! If you feel like your friend is bottling their emotions up inside, explain to them that doing so can make it harder to get past the hurt. The stages of grief typically include sadness, shock, remorse, withdrawal, and acceptance. Don’t be too alarmed if your friend experiences all of these, or if they go away and then come back. [2] X Research source Everyone grieves differently, so try not to be judgmental of your friend’s process. If, however, they seem to be paralyzed by their grief and do not seem to be getting any better, consider suggesting that they see a grief counselor. [3] X Research source If your friend has lost someone close to them, it may help them grieve if you help them plan a memorial of some kind. [4] X Research source

Be sure to tell your friend that you are willing to listen. They may really want to talk, but be worried about burdening you. Reach out to your friend as soon as you hear about what happened and let them know you’re thinking about them. You can let them know then that you are willing to listen, but don’t take offense if they don’t feel like talking yet. Avoid giving advice unless your friend asks for it. Your friend may just feel like venting. If your friend doesn’t want to talk, encourage them to write their thoughts down in a journal. It’s okay to ask questions about what happened, especially if you are close friends. Doing so will help you understand what they are going through and how you can help. [6] X Research source

Always express simple condolences by saying something like, “I’m sorry for your loss. “[7] X Research source If your friend is going through a breakup, don’t feel like you need to say anything negative about their ex to make them feel better. Instead of saying something like, “They were a jerk and you’re better off without them,” just acknowledge the sense of loss your friend is feeling by saying, “It must be really hard to lose someone you cared about so much. " It also typically does not help to try to show your friend the silver lining of their situation. Instead of saying, “Everything happens for a reason,” just say, “I’m sorry about what you’re going through. How can I help?” Don’t tell your friend that whatever happened, happened for a reason. You run the risk of trivializing their pain if you say something like this. [8] X Research source

Don’t wait for them to reach out to you. They may really need you, but they may not be feeling up to making contact. [9] X Research source Call your friend, text them, or leave them a note to let them know you’re thinking about them. Depending on how close the 2 of you are, you may want to do this every day or every few days until they seem to be feeling a little better. Call at strategic times to show your friend that you are thinking about them. For example, if a loved one has just passed away, you shouldn’t call during the funeral, but it would be nice to call that evening or the next day to see how your friend is doing. When you check in on your friend, be sure to remind them that you’re there for them if they feel like talking.

If your friend declines your help, let them know it’s an open invitation. If you are close friends, consider surprising them with something unexpected, like having a pizza delivered to their house. Consider inviting them over for a meal. This will help them get the nourishment they need and it will get them out of the house, which will probably be good for them. [11] X Research source

Remember that during this time your friend may seem a little selfish and may not be the best friend to you. Try to be understanding and look past this. They will be back to their old selves eventually. Take small steps when encouraging your friend to be active. If they aren’t comfortable going to a party, ask them if they want to come over and watch a movie with you.

Identifying what your limits are, such as what you are willing to do to help and what you are not willing to do. For example, you might be willing to listen to your friend vent about their ex, but not act as a go-between to send messages to their ex or find out what their ex is up to. Asserting your boundaries to your friend, such as by telling them what you will and will not do. For example, you might say, “I’m happy to listen to you any time I can, but I can’t accept calls when I am at work. Let’s talk after I get off work. ” Being direct with your friend if a boundary is crossed, such as by saying, “I am willing to help in any way I can, but as I said before, I can’t help you with that. ” Staying tuned into your feelings and letting your friend know if you need a break, such as by saying, “I want to help you, but I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now. Can we talk tomorrow instead?”

Going for a walk Taking a long bath Engaging in a favorite hobby, such as knitting, painting, or playing video games

Consider making a list of your friend’s best qualities. This may be just what they need to cheer them up. Offer specific examples of why you think your friend is strong. Remind them of other difficult things they have dealt with in their life and tell them you are proud of how they handled them.

This may involve helping your friend find new hobbies that won’t remind them of their ex or even helping them make some new friends. If most of the people that they used to spend time with are friends with their ex, try introducing them to some new people who don’t even know the ex. If your friend has hobbies or activities that they used to enjoy, make sure they stick with them. This will really help them get their mind off of the breakup.

Consider inviting them to an exercise class with you. If you can’t convince them to do anything too strenuous, see if they will go for a walk with you.

This is especially important if your friend feels suicidal or has been engaging in self-destructive behavior like doing drugs or hurting themselves. Your friend needs help, so make sure they get it! A support group may also be an option, depending on what kind of heartbreak your friend is dealing with. This will give them the opportunity to talk to other people who know exactly what they are going through.

A technology timeout may be appropriate for other kinds of heartbreak as well, especially if they are being overwhelmed by people expressing their sympathy.

Make sure your friend is not harassing their ex after a breakup. If they keep calling their ex or asking everyone they know about what their ex is doing, let them know that you are concerned. If your friend just lost their job, discourage them from reading (or posting) negative reviews about their former company online.

Sit your friend down for a one-on-one intervention if you notice any of this behavior. They may not even realize what they are doing to themselves. If you are really concerned about your friend, talk to other people who can help you help them. This is especially important if your friend is a minor. Their parents need to know about their destructive behavior.

If they are trying to fill the void left by their ex by getting into a relationship with someone who they wouldn’t ordinarily be interested in, the rebound relationship will probably cause them (and the person they are dating) more harm than good. If, on the other hand, they feel ready to get back out there and seem to have a good understanding of what they are looking for in a partner, a new relationship may be just what they need. [19] X Research source