How long have you felt like this? Do you have a plan for how to do it? Have you been gathering any supplies (pills, sharp objects, gun)?
Do not leave them alone. In some areas, calling the police can be helpful to get to a person you can’t reach (e. g. a person who has locked themselves in a room). Some police are trained for this. Suicide is illegal in many areas, specifically so that police can enter and help on suspicion that a crime will occur. However, in the United States, there have been cases of police officers traumatizing, injuring, or killing suicidal people (including suicidal autistic people), so calling the police may not be safe in the U. S. [2] X Research source [3] X Research source [4] X Research source If they are not in immediate danger, get the soonest available doctor’s appointment, and help them come up with a safety plan in case they become immediately suicidal.
Saying things like “It won’t hurt anymore soon” or “Don’t worry, I won’t be a burden for much longer” Insisting they don’t need treatment (because they’ll be dead soon anyway) Getting their affairs in order (cleaning, writing or updating their will, giving possessions away) Saying sudden appreciative thoughts (saying goodbye): “You’ve been such a good friend to me” “Thanks a lot for all you’ve done” Seeming serene or almost at peace
Telling them that it’s selfish or sinful will only alienate them even more and make it harder to help them. Don’t guilt them by saying “This would destroy your family” or “You have so much to live for. " Save your feelings for now. You can let them out later, perhaps with another loved one.
“That must feel awful. " “You must be feeling a lot of pain right now. " “That sounds rough. " “Yeah. " “I see. " “It sounds like _____ was really difficult for you. "
Holding hands, hugging, rubbing their back (if they like touch) Verbal support: “I’m so sorry to hear that,” “That’s too bad,” “I can tell you’re hurting”
“Take as long as you need. I’m listening. " “You don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. " “You seem upset. If you need to pause and take some deep breaths, I can wait. " “I understand you’re having a hard time talking. That’s okay. This is hard to talk about. "
Even non-autistic depressed people may not realize that they are depressed. [9] X Research source
Talk to them about disturbing patterns. For example, they keep saying “I’m costing you and Mommy too much money,” and you keep saying “No you’re not,” then clearly that isn’t enough to break the cycle. Try saying “You say this often. I can keep telling you it’s not true, and still you keep saying it. What is making you say this so often?”
“Is there anything or anyone in your life that is particularly upsetting?” “Would you like to set aside some time this week to make a list of how we could make ______ less stressful for you?” “Would it help if we hung out more?” “How about we set aside some time each Saturday morning to bead bracelets together?”
If they pause for a bit, they are genuinely thinking. They may not know the answer, may not know how to phrase it in a way they think you’ll like, or may be evaluating whether you’d believe them if they said “I’m fine. "
Avoid chat-based crisis hotlines that are not done by medical professionals or allow people to volunteer, such as BlahTherapy. These kind of chat-lines are not done by professionals, so the “listener’s” bias may come into play with something like, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you. You’re autistic and I don’t think anyone can help you”, which will just make the autistic person feel worse.
Don’t talk to an adult who may be abusive towards the autistic person. Abusive people may abuse this information.
It may be worth keeping a journal to show doctors how they’re doing.
Some therapies, like ABA, may worsen mental health risks. [10] X Research source Stay away from forums and other sites on the internet, even the YouTube comment section, that may have a negative effect on your autistic identity. Some internet users feel so insecure about their lives that they come up with the most irrational, toxic nonsense that they could think of to bring others down. Don’t feed the trolls. You’re an important person with friends and family who love you for who you are.
Ask them to babysit (or co-babysit) Go volunteering together Encourage them to engage in their special interests, such as writing articles for wikiHow about their passion. Ask them to take their younger sibling(s) out for a walk
Suggest that they do a small part of a task they’re worried about, such as writing a paragraph for their upcoming essay. Brainstorm and write down a plan for the family to handle the disaster they’re afraid of. Assure them that now you all know how to handle it, so no more worrying is necessary. Sit down with them while they email the professor in the difficult class, and then go do something fun together. Take a walk around the block and talk about an issue that’s on their mind.
Go for walks, or sit outside together, so they can soak up some sunshine Take them out to eat Do quiet activities together, like drawing or reading to them Sing along to their favorite songs Find good movies to watch together
Sometimes, the autistic community talks about serious issues, like abuse and human rights violations. This is not good reading material for a person fighting depression. Encourage them to be careful about the links they click, and heed trigger warnings.
Let them stim as much as they want. Forcing an autistic person to stop stimming may make things worse, especially if they’re suicidal or have difficulty with accepting who they are as an autistic person. Honor all forms of communication (echolalia, AAC, behavior, etc. ) and do your best to understand. Be patient with their struggles. Support their special interests Respond compassionately to meltdowns. Don’t tell them things such as “You’re being silly!” or “You’re ruining our day!” Help them learn how to avoid meltdowns, but respond supportively when they happen.
Enlist other friends/family members/caregivers to build a support network for the autistic person. This way, you won’t be their only helper. Take at least half an hour for “me time” every day. Take a bath, read a book, knit, or do whatever relaxes you. Take time to talk or vent about your feelings to another person. It’s okay to feel stressed about your loved one being suicidal. It’s a scary situation. Be upfront if you can’t help them through a certain crisis. It’s okay to say “While I care about you, I’m not able to help you this time, because I have something of my own I need to deal with. Try your sister/best friend/boyfriend/etc. We can talk another time. "
