By establishing a “one-stop” repository for important information and resources, you will make it not only easier to find what you need but also to share it with siblings, family members, or other caregivers. Distribute copies and provide updates as needed.
Get names, numbers, emails, etc. , for trusted neighbors, physicians, pharmacists, local caregivers, social workers, and so on, as well as detailed contact info for your parent(s) and other close family members. Keep them in the care notebook and distribute copies.
Thanks to the internet, you can pay bills for your parent(s), keep tabs on healthcare issues and financial investments, and provide help in a range of other important areas that can sometimes overwhelm older adults. Don’t just “take over” without having a substantive discussion first, though. Make sure independence and privacy are respected. If you need to take a more active role, talk about getting “durable power of attorney” so you can make important decisions for your parent(s). For healthcare matters, you should be designated as a “healthcare proxy” and sign the required papers so you can discuss medical matters with doctors, insurers, etc.
Geriatric care managers are usually licensed nurses or social workers with experience in assessing the needs of and coordinating resources for seniors. Research and interview prospective candidates, and ask about their licensing, experience, pay rate, etc. To identify information on local resources and especially the availability of financial assistance, contact the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) in the U. S. , or the comparable entity in other nations. [6] X Research source Some areas of the U. S. also have programs in which trained USPS mail carriers can provide wellness checks on seniors (the Carrier Alert Program). [7] X Research source
For instance, instead of asking “Have you been eating?”, try “What’s on the lunch menu for today?” Or bring up the weather and see if you can lead your parent to talk about the last time he or she left the house. Even when you are visiting in person, come up with some questions that require more than a yes-or-no response about health, caring for the house, paying bills, etc. Truly listening to their answers might really help with the aloneness that they’re probably feeling with old age. Instead of simply asking questions, make sure to also share a bit about your life, so they feel closer to you.
Make the most of each visit by planning ahead. See if you can align your visit with existing appointments so you can go along. Carve out some time to fix the leaky faucet or deal with the stack of bills you know has been piling up. Of course, also make sure you leave enough time to make the visit enjoyable for everyone.
Make sure you have obtained legal authorization to discuss a parent’s personal matters with a doctor, attorney, or financial advisor. Prepare a list of questions for yourself, and help your parent with questions he or she may have. If you are already actively involved in the organization and management of important matters while away from your parent(s), you can accomplish more during your visits.
Ideally, if you have siblings or other involved family members, you should try to hold a group meeting to discuss these important matters. Doing so before a serious situation arises can help keep everyone calm and focused, and more able to make rational decisions. Make sure your parents are as involved as possible, and in fact taking the lead if conditions allow it. They should be in charge of these important decisions whenever possible.
Proximity will dictate how many responsibilities are divided, of course; the closest sibling is likely to be the one running to the store, while one who lives far away might pay bills online. Also consider your relative strengths and available time, though — a famously disorganized brother may not be the best choice for handling all the important paperwork, for example.
Take time to consider the pros and cons of moving, though, because it is a significant decision to make. Moving your parent(s) into your home will probably save money and make daily care much easier, but it is also a major upheaval for all parties involved. Make sure you consult and consider the preferences of your parent(s). Will this be a welcome opportunity for closer bonding, or will the loss of independence and abandonment of a longtime home cause problems? Moving far away also means finding new doctors, new caregivers and helpers, new friends, and so on. Sometimes it is a necessary change, especially if your parent(s) are simply not safe or sufficiently cared for at home, but it shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Long-distance caregivers may discount or ignore the amount of work they do to help loved ones, often because they don’t feel like they are doing the daily “hard work. ” Even though most long-distance caregivers spend the equivalent of one day per week providing care, they tend to feel less satisfied and more guilty (for not doing enough) than close caregivers. [16] X Research source Remember that there are seven million other people in the U. S. alone providing long-distance care. Wherever you live, you are not alone as a long-distance caregiver. Support networks are available, and talking to others going through the same challenges can provide significant emotional and even physical benefits. [17] X Research source
