You can discuss with your spouse to remain responsible for your child’s control and discipline until your spouse and child develop a solid bond. [2] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Your spouse may monitor your child’s behavior and report back to you instead of intervening.
Be clear in your spouse’s role with your child. Is your spouse allowed to mediate fights? Can your spouse punish your child? What consequences and rules can your spouse enforce? You may need to think in terms of a timeline. Perhaps you may parent one way now, then slowly transition to different roles over time once the family feels more cohesive.
Try to find time to disagree when your child is not home.
Younger children may be more apt to connect and develop a relationship with your new spouse. It really depends on your child, though.
Be sensitive to your child’s feelings and bring this up in discussion. Ask how he or she feels about the remarriage, and if it’s sad for your child to see you and your ex or deceased spouse apart. Have a genuine and heartfelt discussion, letting your child voice all of his or her concerns.
Give your child permission to love the new people in your ex’s home, and allow for time for your child to warm up to your new spouse. [8] X Research source Don’t bad talk your previous spouse or his or her partner, especially in front of your child. That can be very confusing for a child.
It’s okay to feel confused about the new people in your life. It’s okay to feel sad about my divorce (or death of a parent). You don’t have to love my new spouse, but you do need to be respectful, the way you would be with a teacher or coach. If you ever feel caught in the middle of my home and your other parent’s home, please tell me. We’ll do our best to stop. It’s okay to talk to someone about how hard things are, like a counselor or coach.
Point out how there will be easier ways to do things with more people on board to help out.
When your child appears fearful or anxious, remind your child that no matter what changes happen and how stressful it feels, you will always love him or her. The love you have for your child won’t change, no matter what. Allow for choices when your child has a strong opinion, but also have a discussion about why your child feels this way. Whatever happens, your marriage will occur because it’s a matter for the grown-ups to make decisions about their own lives.
Tell your child that the joy of one person does not equate with the sadness of another: there is room for all the family to feel joy at the coming marriage. Reassure him that when it comes to affairs of the heart, feelings and love, much cannot be explained and that things just “are”.
