As your daughter talks, refrain from searching for the right thing to say. Sometimes, there is no right thing to say in these situations. Focus more on listening than planning your response in your head. To keep the conversation going, repeat your daughter’s feelings back to her or ask for clarification instead of offering insight. For example, “So you feel blindsided because your boyfriend broke up with you completely out of nowhere?”
Simply continue to listen to your daughter and allow her to share what she’s feeling. Do not try to force her to feel better. You may be inclined to say something like, “You’ll feel better a year from now. " While this very well may be true, it does not help your daughter in the moment. You want to make sure your daughter knows you’re here now and care now. Later, when she’s calmed down some, you can offer some perspective.
You want your daughter to feel comfortable talking to you about romantic relationships, especially when she’s very young. If you bash her ex, only to have them get back together, she will not come to you if there are problems in the future. If your daughter says something negative about her ex, do not respond with negativity in return. Instead, say something like, “It’s normal to feel angry after breakups. "
Try to find a story where you went through something similar. Almost everyone has very rough breakups in their emotional history, so feel free to share yours with your teen. This will also increase the sense of intimacy between you and your teenager. Having a close, intimate bond can help your relationship stay strong through future hardships.
Do not say something like, “I went through the same thing when I was your age and I don’t even think about it anymore. You’re going to be fine. " Instead, acknowledge what she’s feeling and still give her hope. For example, “I know it hurts a lot right now, but remember that’s not forever. I went through something similar, but there are better relationships out there for you. "
You may want to let your daughter sit out of her normal extracurricular activities at first, but make sure she returns to her usual sports, clubs, and hobbies. Staying busy will help prevent her from having obsessive thoughts about the relationship and help show her that life goes on. You can try to offer to have her friends over. Making your home hospitable to your daughter’s friends may encourage her to be social. Help her stay engaged in hobbies and activities. If she likes to sew, consider buying her some new fabric or helping her start a new project. If she loves the outdoors, schedule a family hike.
If your daughter is still extremely sad after a few weeks, she may need help from a therapist. If she’s lost interest in activities, still cries a lot, and continues to isolate herself, get her help from a therapist. You should also seek counseling if your daughter engages in behavior like self-harm or drug and alcohol abuse after a bad breakup.
Advise your daughter to go easy on her online updates. Remind her sharing personal information online could affect her in the future. You could tell her she may want to take a technology timeout until she’s calmed down. Remind her that badmouthing her ex may reflect poorly on her. Encourage her to open up to close friends and family members rather than going overboard online.
If you need to talk to someone, discuss your emotions with your spouse or a close friend. Venting to others can help you keep your feelings in check, allowing you to be strong for your daughter.
If you need help right away, try calling the National Domestic Abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233. [10] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source You can also call the hotline for LoveIsRespect. org, which focuses on teens in abusive relationships. The number is 1-866-331-9474. [11] X Research source
