Tell your friend that you would like to set some time aside to speak one on one and in private. Let him or her know that it’s important. Choose a time and place that provides safety, privacy, and in which you won’t have to cut your conversation short because of other obligations.
Let them know that you are an ally and that you care about them. Explain that what they are going through isn’t right and that they should not be treated in an abusive manner. Listen to them when they speak and remain calm to avoid making your friend feel as though they are cornered.
Tell your friend that no matter what they do, they do not deserve to suffer abuse. Emphasize how important their safety is to you and let them know that they can trust you to keep what you talk about between the two of you.
Explain what has led you to meeting with them like this and how your concerns are making you feel. Let him or her know that domestic abuse tends to escalate over time and things may get worse. Emphasize that you are there to support them no matter what, but that you’d like to help them get out of the abusive situation.
You can find a list of resources for victims and survivors of abuse at http://youth. gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/resources DomesticShelters. org offers a list of shelters throughout the country people can stay in when leaving abusive relationships or homes. Centers. Rainn. Org can provide you with a list by state or zip code of organizations that can help in cases of rape, abuse or incest. Do some internet research for local organizations that can help as well.
If your friend is physically abused, contact law enforcement regardless of your age. Police officers often cannot do anything unless responding to active situation, but do not wait for the abuser to hurt your friend to get help. Adults may seek support from others that can give them guidance and help them make the transition away from an abusive relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help. Call them at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
You will need to address things like where your friend will live if leaving the abuser, as well as how to overcome financial hardships created by the transition. Children also need to be accounted for in the safety plan if your friend is a parent. It’s important to outline even obvious seeming things because it can be easy to forget steps when upset.
Determine if your friend wants to leave or if they feel the situation can be changed from within. Decide if your friend will be able to leave safely, or if they will need to sneak out in order to leave without being hurt. Assess how much danger the person will be in if they remain where they are. Is there a risk that your friend could be hurt if they stay? Violence should never be tolerated. Any amount of violence can dictate that the risk is too great to stay.
Plan for a time and date that your friend will be able to leave without arousing suspicion from the abuser if they need to leave secretly. Establish transportation if your friend needs it so they do not rely on the abuser to get them where they need to go.
It can be dangerous to tell children before executing the plan, because they may accidentally inform your friend’s abuser. Plan for a safe place for the children to stay once they are out of the house. Make sure your friend knows to explain what is happening to the children in a way that emphasizes that it is not their fault and that they are loved.
Tell your friend about local shelters or organizations you found when researching them on the internet. Offer suggestions for safe places for your friend to stay. Use websites like DomesticShelters. org to find a shelter for your friend nearby.
Help your friend seek the support of others through support groups or incorporating other friends if they are comfortable with it. Remind your friend that they are not at fault, and that they have great value as a person and a friend. Help your friend be kind to themselves by discouraging remarks that are self-deprecating.
Tell a teacher if you believe your friend is being abused by their parents at home. Let your friend know that their parents should not be hurting them, and that there is help available.
Describe how worried you are about your friend and what you fear may happen if they don’t leave. Encourage your friend to have faith in themselves and to seek a better life.
Your friend may be uncomfortable discussing the abuse with the police, so you may need to encourage them to do so. Domestic violence is a crime, and the abuser may be arrested and charged if there is evidence of the abuse at the time they are called. If you witness an assault yourself, call the police and inform of them of what is happening. Do not attempted to intervene yourself.
Offer to help with child care if your friend needs someone to watch their children. Offer a place to stay until your friend can get back on their own feet.
Make sure your friend knows that you will be their friend no matter what happens, and that you only want what is best for them. Be there for your friend as they experience the emotional ups and downs of ending the relationship and moving on. Sometimes, just having the support of a close friend can keep an abuse victim from returning to their abuser.
It can be hard to hear reason when tempers flare. Give your friend some time, then reach out to them to see if they’re willing to talk. Make sure you let your friend know that your care about them deeply and are only looking to help. You may have to give them some time before they are willing to speak to you, but helping your friend is worth the effort.
