For example, avoid going out for lunch with them unless a large group also goes. If you do go with a group, do your best to socialize with the other people in the group besides the one you’re interested in. Think about how you would act around any one of your coworkers, and mimic that behavior with your crush.
For example, don’t laugh at every funny comment they say. You don’t have to be rude, but a small smile at a joke, and a change of subject will show them you’re not interested.
When considering different perspectives, try to separate the idea from the person offering the idea. This will help you treat everyone fairly and normally. If you are in a position of power, don’t give all the best tasks to your love interest. Other subordinates will quickly pick up on this, and your secret won’t be safe. Try to continue to be as fair as possible.
During this time away from work, try to remind yourself why you want to keep your love to yourself. Maybe it is your dream job, and you don’t want to jeopardize it, or maybe you’re already in a committed relationship. Whatever the reason, try to convince yourself that this is not a person worth complicating your life for. Ideally, when you return to work, you will feel refocused on the job and not the coworker.
For example, maybe you can work on a different project, or in another area of the office. Don’t tell your boss the real reason you want to move. Instead, give them a plausible excuse. For example, you could say that while you enjoy the work you’re doing, you’re hoping for a big challenge, so you wanted to ask if you could work on an idea you have to improve business strategy.
If they ask you what you did over the weekend, you can respond with something like, “Oh, nothing special. Just took care of a few things. ” Don’t then respond by asking them what they did. Keeping your answer short and not reciprocating will discourage further personal chatting. If you need to chat in order to avoid an awkward silence, bring up generic things like the weather, or a big work deadline that is coming up. Disregard any innuendos from your coworker. Of course, awkwardness will ensue if the coworker with whom you’re in love with starts making advances. If you notice that the other person is flirting with you, disengage from the relationship or try to cut or reduce contact. In today’s technologically driven corporate workplace, you can conduct a good amount of business via email or the company’s intranet if possible.
If you must attend some event where your coworker will be present, distance yourself from them as much as possible without drawing attention. If there is alcohol present, do not drink any! If you drink alcohol, you will feel less inhibited, which may result in letting your thoughts slip. [4] X Research source
If he or she works in another department, minimize your contact. If you’re lucky enough to love from afar, it shouldn’t interfere directly with your job. Minimize contact when in the break room or after work. Don’t go out of your way to avoid your coworker, but graciously maintain a safe distance. If you’re obviously trying to avoid this coworker, you could end up calling more attention to yourself, and people may wonder why you’re going out of your way to avoid the person.
Not only will this help you stay true to your desire to keep your feelings to yourself, it will also help you in the future, should you experience romantic feelings for a different coworker. If a coworker approaches you to let you know they have feelings for you, you can easily and gently let them down by simply explaining that you don’t date coworkers because it is a rule you have set for yourself. Consider your coworker to be completely off limits. Resign yourself to the fact that this relationship simply isn’t going to happen. The sooner you believe it, the easier it will be to cloak how you really feel.
How well do you know this person? In some cases you may be loving another from afar, whereas in other instances your love might have grown steadily over time, because you work closely together and have had the opportunity to discuss personal values and shared interests. Do you really know this person? Have you fallen in love with his or her true inner qualities or are you infatuated with their work persona? Are you captivated by their seeming allure in the workplace? Power or leadership are alluring in a workplace context and can lead to infatuation.
In many companies, office romances are strictly forbidden. Breaking this rule could be grounds for termination.
It is important to remember this because when you have feelings for someone, especially at first, those feelings can be very intense. At times, you may find it hard to stick to hiding your feelings, but remembering that many people experience feelings for their coworker at one point or another can help you realize that it is a consequence of the conditions, not true love.
If an office romance is forbidden, think about all the time and energy it would take to hide your relationship from others. If you go out to places with workplace friends or invite them over, you’ll have to juggle a very complicated schedule of keeping them separate. While it is possible, it’s tiring and eventually the amusement and excitement will wear thin until you’re just bursting to tell. Ponder your co-worker’s negative qualities. So they are highly attractive, but this person most likely has some negative qualities too. If you focus on something negative, it might lessen your attraction or interest. Perhaps it’s his or her annoying laugh, insistence on always being right or workaholic tendencies. Whatever it is, let it loom large in your thoughts as a reason for not getting intimately involved. Could you get all your work done or stay focused on projects if you’re pining away for another who works down the hall from you? For some people, it can be difficult to hide romance. Think about the fact that having an in-office lover could derail your career. Since you work together, and spend all day together, you won’t have much else to talk about. All there is to talk about is the same work you do together all day long and if you have similar annoyances, you risk darkening each other’s opinions about others in the workplace in unhelpful ways. Think about what would happen if you were to break up. For most, working with an ex makes work life more challenging, and there is a risk of wanting to sabotage one another’s efforts. If you can keep it professional despite a breakup, then it is manageable but can you be sure of your ability to keep all emotions out of it post intimate relationship?
For some people, this is binging on unhealthy foods such as chips or ice cream. For others, drinking alcohol, smoking, or doing drugs are ways to avoid dealing with these feelings. Whatever your unhealthy coping mechanism, try to identify it, and when you feel the urge to engage in that activity, turn to a different, more healthy way of dealing with your emotions. If you are experiencing strong emotions related to hiding your feelings, try talking to a trusted friend (preferably one who isn’t also a coworker) or family member about what you are feeling. If you’d prefer not to, you can also write what you are feeling in a journal. Either way, it’s important that those feelings have an outlet.
For example, if you’ve always been interested in rock climbing, but never actually tried, then look for a climbing gym in your area. Sign up for a beginner’s course. Not only will you get fit and find a new hobby, you will also meet new people.
Non-work friends will give you a place to vent about your feelings (if you want to), and will also broaden your perspective. You will realize that there is life and other people outside of work, helping you get over unwanted romantic feelings.
If you want to date someone, then consider people outside the workplace that you are interested in. If there isn’t anyone, then consider online dating. If that’s not your thing, try attending social events. You can also meet new people through hobbies, sports, churches, and volunteer activities.
