Having your own child or a younger sibling with you can provide you with a convenient icebreaker and help you make that initial introduction. Make sure it’s alright with her before you give her kids gifts.
Try not to seem too eager to get to know her kids right off the bat. It will take time for her to feel comfortable enough with you to set up that first meeting. [3] X Research source Steer clear of sensitive or invasive questions, like why the child’s other parent is no longer in the picture. She might view this as a violation of her privacy.
If you’re out for dinner or drinks, be polite to the waitstaff and tip generously. Your generosity won’t go unnoticed.
Avoid using curse words or making crude jokes when her kids are around. Keep the language PG.
If you’re attempting to plan a date or outing, give her plenty of notice so she’ll be able to pencil you in. Be ready for last-minute changes or cancellations in the event that something comes up with one of her kids. [6] X Research source
If nothing else, offer to pick up takeout or rub her shoulders after an exhausting day of shuttling back and forth to schools, practices, and recitals. Even the smallest gestures will make her feel special and show her that you consider her needs as important as your own.
If you’re not sure where to look, try browsing the listings on nanny-for-hire sites like SitterCity. com, UrbanSitter. com, or Care. com. [9] X Research source Choose a sitter that comes recommended. Mom will be reluctant to leave her kids with someone who’s not trustworthy.
Take care of all the details yourself. That way, all she’ll have to do is kick back and take a breather. Staying in will save you the trouble of having to coordinate your schedules, hire a babysitter, and deal with the stress of being away from home.
Look for opportunity in times when she might be feeling self-conscious about her situation. If she’s forced to break a date, for instance, you could respond by saying “I think it’s wonderful that you do so much to keep your kids happy” rather than acting disappointed.
There’s no need to assume the role of parental figure just because you’re seeing a mom. You’re simply there to provide companionship until she specifically asks for more. If you feel the need to question one of her decisions, do it as though you’re trying to learn more about the way she does things. For example, instead of saying “You really shouldn’t feed your kids so much sugar,” try asking “Is it okay for Alex to have candy this close to dinnertime?”
She might be hesitant to tell you when she needs some time to herself. To ease her mind, ask her so she won’t have to. Think of space as an investment into your relationship. The better she feels, the more fruitful your time together will be.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Letting her down will send the message that you’re not dependable, and that’s not the kind of person she wants to have around. [14] X Research source
There’s no reason to be resentful of her kids. They’re not something that’s getting in the way of her life—they are her life.
