Sometimes doing something with your hands is helpful, such as crocheting, knitting, folding origami, or even texting a friend.
For instance, if you’re trying to stop spending money, you can go for a walk in a green space where you won’t even have the opportunity to shop. Or if you’re trying to control overeating, you can develop the habit of hitting the gym when the urge to overeat arises.
Try closing your eyes and breathing in slowly through your nose. Continue filling your lungs, fully expanding your chest and lower belly. Finally, breathe out slowly and naturally—your mouth or nose is fine. [3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source
Take a look inward at what matters most to you and what your values are. Balance is going to look different depending on what your goals are, so try to achieve it avoiding impulsive thoughts. [5] X Expert Source Julia Yacoob, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
For example, if spending money or shopping is one of the areas that you want to build self-control, place a twenty-four-hour hold on any purchases before you buy anything. You can write down in a small notebook what you were thinking of buying and in twenty-four hours revisit your list and decide then if you really want or need the item(s).
Some examples might be smoking, eating, work habits, productivity, alcohol, controlling your temper, shopping or spending money, etc.
Remember that you’re only in control of your own behavior while choosing. For instance, don’t choose something like “having a better relationship with my parents” since that requires effort from your parents as well. A goal such as “improve my communication habits with my parents” is better because it hinges on your behavior alone. Be realistic about what kind of changes you can make that will fit into your life, your time, and your ability. If you try to change everything at once, as ambitious as this may be, you can risk self-sabotaging your efforts and giving up.
For example, if overeating is the behavior you have decided to change, find books about impulsive eating (or binge eating) and gather as many helpful strategies as you can about how to build self-control around eating. Start a journal just for eating, for example, and write down or keep track of as many strategies as you come across. This gives you more options to try to discover what works for you.
Staying with the example of binge eating, examine how you feel when you impulsively eat. Do you notice that you tend to binge eat when you are stressed? Maybe you binge eat to celebrate too. Do you find yourself binge eating when you feel anxious or sad?
If you’re building self-control around compulsive eating, for instance, don’t try switching to nothing but fruits and vegetables all at once because it’s too dramatic a change—not to mention unsustainable.
For example, maybe the holidays are a stressful time for you, and you notice yourself eating much more just from the pressure of everything you have to do. Next year, you will know that the holidays are a time that self-control becomes difficult for you, and you can prepare yourself by beefing up the strategies you learned about while educating yourself about binge eating.
For example, say you’re trying to develop self-control about smoking cessation. You could write down the cost of buying cigarettes, the effects on your health, the smell, caring for your teeth, etc. Also make a list of all the positives of quitting smoking, including having more money to spend on other things, whiter teeth, breathing easier, or whatever reasons you can think of that will motivate you to quit.
For example, if you binge eat when you are stressed, start to explore other ways to manage your stress other than eating. Explore different relaxation techniques and replacement strategies, such as belly breathing, yoga, physical exercise, meditation, martial arts, or tai chi.
There are many resources on the web that you can access to get yourself started, such as Pinterest or social media groups where you can meet other people with similar interests.
You can use your journal to reframe negative statements if you feel you gave in to impulsivity instead of reaching your goals. For example, if your goal is not to spend money impulsively but you went on a shopping spree, take another look at your goals and remind yourself you had a really bad day. Take some time to journal what you could do differently next time, such as go to yoga class. Congratulate yourself on your awareness and get ready to try again.
For example, if you are quitting smoking cigarettes, you could save the money you would spend on cigarettes and treat yourself to a massage or spa day. Or if you are trying to not binge eat, reward yourself with a small gift, such as a new shirt.
If you are struggling with alcohol or other substances If you are engaging in dangerous or addictive sexual behaviors. If you find yourself repeatedly engaged in abusive or dangerous relationships. If you are trying to control your anger, or are raging outbursts, and have hurt yourself or someone else in the process.
