For example, do you get stressed when you have been around people for too long? Do you feel uncomfortable in large group settings? Are there certain topics you prefer to avoid? Make a list of your social limitations and boundaries so that you can express these needs to your in-laws.
For example, you might say, “I prefer to spend time in small groups. Being in a large group of people overwhelms me. ” Or, “I am not a fan of camping. ” If your in-laws press you on your boundaries, then you can give a firm reminder by saying something like, “Remember when I mentioned that I don’t like large groups? This is the type of situation I was talking about. ” Or, “No, I would prefer not to go camping for our family vacation. ” When setting boundaries, be sure to set them together with your spouse. Setting boundaries in this manner will help emphasize clearly what your needs are, which is further enhanced when your spouse is helping to back up these requests.
Generally, whatever you learned in kindergarten is a good rule to follow: share the speaking floor, say “please” and “thank you,” and be respectful.
Tell your fiancé’s mom how much you like her shoes or her home. Or better yet, compliment her on the amazing child she raised, the person with whom you can’t wait to spend your life. But be careful not to overdo it. You don’t want to look like you are trying to suck up to them. Focus on your in-law’s strengths. Remember that no-one is perfect, even you, and it is always in your best interest not to focus on the negatives. Accept your in-laws for who they are and any differences that may exist. They have accepted you into their family, and you should just as well accept them into yours. Always do your best to look for positive attributes.
Overconsumption of alcohol can lead to bad behavior, inappropriate remarks, and embarrassing conduct that you can’t take back. You want to be married forever, not leave a bad impression forever.
Ask about how your in-laws met and where they grew up. Ask about what your fiancé was like as a child. Try saying something like, “I’d really enjoy hearing about how the two of you met. Would you mind telling me the story?” Or you could ask, “What kinds of things did Julie enjoy doing as a child?”
If possible, avoid talking about religious beliefs, political stances, or any other possibly controversial subject. Try bringing up a safe topic of conversation by saying something like, “I really enjoyed this movie I saw last weekend. Have you guys seen it yet?” Or you could try talking about shared interests by saying something like, “We went camping at in the mountains last week. Do you have any favorite places to go camping nearby?”
Try talking about favorite sports teams or television shows. Make sure to introduce everyone as well so there are no awkward moments.
Invite your in laws over for dinner or go away for a weekend vacation with them. Try any activities that force you together with your in-laws in situations where you can talk and get to know each other better. Identify social and/or recreational activities that both you, your spouse, and in-laws will enjoy. Partaking in an activity that one person may not enjoy may lead to a stressful gathering. Try to be creative and coordinate activities that will encourage you all to get to know one another, especially if this is a new relationship.
Take some time to get to know your in-laws on a personal, individual level. Invite your father-in-law out for a drink or a friendly game of golf. Offer to help your mother-in-law with some yard work or take her out for coffee. Ask your in-laws how they would prefer to be addressed by you. Depending on their cultural family norms, some may prefer that you address them as “mom” and “dad,” while others may be more formal. Identifying what they prefer, will help everyone feel more comfortable with one another. Realize that even if your in-laws prefer a more formal approach, this may change over time.
Try to pick a comfortable setting for the meeting like dinner at casual restaurant or lunch at your place. Make sure the location is quiet enough for everyone to be able to converse easily.
If you know both your dad and your fiancé’s dad love to fish, say something like: “Hey, Dad, Mr. Johnson just got back from a deep-sea fishing trip in the Gulf of Mexico. ” Or tell your sister who is interested in attending Yale that your fiancé’s brother just graduated from there and go ahead and introduce them.
You want your in-laws to be happy to see you again and that you’re joining their family.
