“I noticed you’ve been fidgeting a lot while we’re talking. Is something up, or is this a normal part of listening for you?” “I noticed that you haven’t been looking at me while we’re talking. Is this a part of your listening body language?” “Are you sad, or just thinking?”
Lining up objects is a common activity for autistic people when lost in thought. Some autistic people assume this expression by default when they are focusing on listening to someone. If an autistic person is staring into space by themselves, assume they are deep in thought. They can still hear you (but get their attention first if you want them to listen).
If you think they may be zoning out, try saying their name, verbally getting their attention, or gently waving your hand in front of their eyes (if nothing else works).
Autistic people may suppress their stims out of fear of criticism around someone they don’t know or trust. [4] X Research source Thus, if an autistic person stims openly around you, this means that they probably trust you and feel safe around you.
Facial expressions—Stimming while smiling usually means something different from stimming while frowning. Words and sounds—What they say, or the sounds they make (crying, giggling, etc. ) can give clues towards their feelings. Context—A woman who waves her arms when shown a puppy is probably excited, while if she is waving her arms and whining while working on a difficult project, she may be frustrated or in need of a break. Sometimes stimming has no emotional meaning, similar to how standing up and stretching is not an indicator of your mood.
Autistic people may look away when asked a question. If so, this means they’re thinking, and you can wait quietly while they process and come up with an answer. [6] X Research source Looking away can also be a sign of unhappiness. For example, if you ask your son “Are you ready to start your homework?” and he looks away, he could be either thinking about his answer or feeling unhappy about having homework. If you notice a pattern of when they look away, pay attention and make adjustments accordingly. For example, if your niece always turns away when you try to kiss her, then she might find kisses overwhelming. It’s not always you. It could be someone else, or the environment. Try moving to a calmer place if they are struggling to stay engaged.
Natural expression—Some disabled people’s normal expressions look different from non-disabled people’s expressions. Happiness—Their unique way of smiling and having fun. Frustration or pain—Look for contextual clues to see if this matches. Stimming—They need to get their facial muscles moving, similar to how you might play with a zipper or toss around a baseball if you haven’t had enough activity. Just stretching—Autistic people might stretch their faces the same way you’d stretch your arms or shoulders. Being silly—They want to make you smile.
This can be useful for meltdown and shutdown prevention.
